I'm bringing sexyback!

RUN.
im running. you, he, she, they, people are calling out to stop me.
im stubborn, by nature.
they didnt know what else to do with me. give up? probably. i guess they should be on the verge of doing so.
things didnt turn out the way i want it to be. but that's life. i cant blame anyone, but myself.
im still running, as far as my legs can carry me, as far away as possible.
im running away. my courage could only bring me so far, im sorry.
i cant help but think, what if my legs cant take it anymore, what if i collapse one fine day. eventually, "they" will catch up with me.
i do still have to face "them". "they" will be laughing at me then. WHAT A WIMP!
til the day i find my true, bold, strong self, i'll remind a human being no difference from a piece of s**t.
i wonder how long i can run. you tell me.
luck is not my game. fate is playing with my feelings. i cant outdo them but at least i know how to run... cry... blame... hide... WHAT A WIMP!!

dont tell me that im fated to do this... end up there... accept the way things had turned out to be. it just makes matters worst -- you are just adding oil to my already-out-of-control fire.
dont even bother to console me. it wouldnt change anything. it just makes me feel..... i dont know =(

i dont want to stay there. it's not that i cant cope, but a matter of whether i want to do it.
it seems like im living everyday with tension and fear. i worry about homework, tutorial, tests, facing teachers, attending lectures... it seems like when you're not interested in that place, or set on going other place, or .... i dont know... you arent putting any effort. even if you had put in effort, your conscience will be pricked. YOU JUST DONT GIVE IT A DAMN!!

damn. chem SPA tomorrow. let's say, im fated to stay in jc, this results will be part of the tabulation of my PROMOS. DUH. i didnt revise, dont really intend to. maybe just read through. physics test on tues. dont really bother too. let's just use my inner intelligence and common sense to "smoke" through. ARGH. i totally forgot about my chinese compo and the chinese homeowrk that was due two weeks ago. damnit. double eeks. math tutorial due last week. chem tutorial due this week. im just trying to close my eyes and pretend not to see all these. but sad to say, i cant close my eyes forever =(

"she" said, " let's say if xxx dont accept you, then why not stay in jc. maybe you may like it there. just bear with it."

it hurts. my heart. dont you understand that i had already made a grave mistake and all i want to do is make up to it and hope that it isnt too late. but here you are telling me to accept the mistake and go on with it. cant i stand up for my rights? maybe. i told you my courage can only bring me this far.

life seems meaningless now. yes, my friends can bring me happiness and encouragement, but they wouldnt bring me far. yes, they tell me to stand strong. yes, they made me laugh and tell me to take things easy. but i cant go on like this forever. it's only temporary.

all i need is a MIRACLE

love all, melis